Wednesday 20 April 2016

HOW to PRAY when things are really bad.


Do you feel like you're in a washing machine? Do you have a really difficult decision that you've got to make? Do you not know whether to step left or right? I've learned that whenever somebody takes me out of my 'centre', I just need to double-check in with myself again.

That might mean to just start listening to my own thoughts on the matter. It might mean digging in and start doing my own research on the topic. It might mean connecting to the Universal Intelligence/ Creator/ God... whichever name you'd like to use, and say:
"I don't know what's what here. I need some guidance. Please send me a sign, or a dream, or something. I'll keep listening and looking and being open to receiving your message. But I really need your help, and i'm not going to go away until I get an answer from you."

btw. When we talk to Creator, we need to tell him-her that we mean business. We need to follow through and physically stop and wait for the reply. This is what we need to do, if we say that sort of a prayer. Stop. Listen. Look. Be silent. Be still. Calm your mind. Wait. 

Wait for as long as it takes for you to get your reply. I have no doubt that you will receive. "Ask, and you WILL receive. Knock, and the door WILL be opened to you." - New Testament. This is absolute.

I did, the night before I left my ex-husband as I really didn't know what to do. I prayed that prayer... And I had to wait in the dark for nearly an hour, yes... with him sleeping in the bed beside me, until I got the guidance I needed. My prayer went like this:
"I'm not going away until you give me the answer about what I should do."

And then I just lay in the dark... focussed... listening... waiting...

Then an amazing series of images came into my mind that all were parts of one big story. It started off with a voice in my mind telling me who was talking to me, and what attitude I needed to hold within me as the message unfolded. I just lay there listening and "watching the movie" as it were (it was all symbolic). I just kept my mind silent and took everything in. I asked no questions while the 'movie' was running. I just looked, and listened, and tried to remember everything in detail of what I was being shown. I knew it was important, so I wanted to remember everything. I'm glad I did.

Just to be clear... This was not an audible voice, but more like when you remember a conversation you had with a friend. It was like that. The scenes were the same. Ie: I was not transported to some virtual reality that seemed actual... I was very aware of the bed I was lying on, the dark room around me (we were living in the country), and the breathing of the man beside me. I saw the images as if they were a memory flowing through my open mind. I just let them happen. I didn't control them. Somebody else was the director. All I had to do was let go, and let it happen.

When it was all finished, I said "Thank you". It's important always to give thanks. We mustn't take such experiences for granted. They are unusual... They have been given to us from the divine hand.

As it turned out, all hell broke loose the next day - He (my ex-) was banging my head on the living room wall, trying to choke me, and drop me to the floor which would have given me a permanent lower spine injury. I grabbed him around the neck to prevent this, as much as I didn't want to be near him in that moment.  All the while, I just kept that 'movie' in my mind, and did exactly what i'd been told to do by my guidance.

I was now in one of the scenes of the movie. I was staring straight into the bull's eyes - same eyes. I just had to get through this. I knew what the outcome would be, and it was very good! I just had to keep my mouth shut and keep the message and images i'd been given, in the front of my mind... even while he was abusing my body and trying to traumatise me. I am convinced that my prayer the night before saved me that day, and in the months to come...

I left him that day - but only because the right person (a nurse) arrived on my doorstep 30 minutes after he departed. If this person had not arrived, I would still have been in the house later that night. It likely wouldn't have been pretty. Three times after that (over the next 3 years), he tried to kill me. Each time, I was delivered by divine intervention.

I know absolutely this power, this "person", that is outside of us, flowing through us, wanting to communicate with us - that they are very, very real... "God". Prime Source. Creator. Our brother-sister and our friend.

I've had nine attempts on my life in total from when I was 3 months conceived in the womb up until 2012. The last four attempts was by a demonic entity. I finally learned my lesson on the fourth attempt and announced to the demon - "Hahahaha!!!! You can't kill me, can you? There is only ONE who has the power over life and death! And you're not it!" I've never had any repeat of this experience after I made that declaration.

I return now to the story of the day I left my ex-husband and the visions i'd been given...

The scenes showed me what to do and where to go over the next few months. I am sure that if I had not followed all the 'markers' those scenes had showed me, I really could have just been another statistic. One woman is killed every week in New Zealand by a family member. Would I be the statistic for that week? I followed my guidance to the letter, and three times I escaped death by my husband's hand.

Moral of my story: It is very, very important when we are in times of darkest distress, to reach out and be determined to get your answer. Don't go away, don't lose your focus, don't keep regurgitating all the possible solutions your mind wants to make up for you. Don't take your attention off getting your guidance - until you do receive it. The guidance you are given may very well save your life. Yes. That's how important it is to know how to pray.

In finishing... I want to tell you what that "voice" said to me before I saw those five symbolic scenes. Following is what I was told that night, revealing to me the identity of the "person" who was talking to me in my mind, right before those scenes started rolling - like a movie. I was kind of surprised at the self-identifiers I was hearing, because i've never heard or seen God talk about themself (an a-gendered being) in this way in the Bible. The concepts were new to me. Unusual... But in my desperation of needing guidance that night and praying to God and Jesus asking for help (I knew I was in a life-or-death situation), I simply had to be open to the idea that the message given to me was from my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Note: I was a born again, full immersion water baptised, tongue-speaking evangelical Christian for 12 years when this horror story changed my life forever.

Here is what I heard in my mind as soon as the first scene was revealed. I have never forgotten these words spoken to me.

"You have nothing to fear. I am with you always. 
I am in the sand you are walking on... 
I am in the air you are breathing... 
I am even in the sun shining down on you, out of the sky. 
I am with you. You have nothing to fear."

Source  This is more or less the scene in my "movie".

I was able to keep these words, "Have no fear. I am with you," as a mantra in my mind the next day as this very abusive man was attacking me, so I was able to keep my cool. In later counselling and when I did the DAIP course (Duluth Abuse Intervention Project) years later, I found out that it's actually really important for women to remain calm during their abuse. This mantra in my mind as I received his rage, kept me calm.

Why was he angry? - you might be asking. What had I done wrong?

I had called him out on his actions and his lies. I told him I was no longer prepared to compromise with him. I could no longer compromise with the affair he was having, the money he had stolen from his work place, the rent he'd stopped paying... His dangerous driving while I was pregnant and with our children in the car, his inability to have a meaningful conversation with me. I was no longer prepared to compromise my well-being for him anymore. I would no longer be diminished by him. That's why he dragged me into the house that day during his lunch break from his new job, and he beat me.

The mantra I had been given, "Have no fear. I am with you," gave me assurance in my bleakest hour that myself, my two year old daughter and five week old son (who I was breast-feeding), would all be kept safe. I just needed to keep saying this as an affirmation as his rage was blasted at me, and as I left him that day. That was in 1985. It took a decade and a half but we finally got away. Finally, the energy of him still tracking me, dissipated.

Note: 'assurance' is very different to 'hope',  Go to the link to see my article on the insubstantiality of the words "hope, trust, faith, belief." They are nothing. There is only "knowing". There is only "what is" and "what isn't". The rest is fluff. It is not real. It's a magic trick.

Parting words...

Trust your gut. Trust your feelings. 

And when you get really confused, 

ask for help. You WILL get it. 

Determine within yourself to wait and listen.  You will get your answer.

Thank you also for listening to my story.

Thank you - Bron

Image  The desert of my life is now the rock I stand on. The most terrible things in life have a very strange way of becoming the things that make you amazing further down the track. You are not alone.

Find me on Facebook
Find me on Twitter


Thanks for your comment. All comments are moderated - BronnyNZ