I've learned that whenever somebody takes me out of my 'centre', I just need to double-check in with myself again.
That might mean to just start listening to my own thoughts on the matter... It might mean digging in and start doing my own research on the topic... It might mean connecting to the Universal Intelligence/ Creator/ God... whichever name you'd like to use, and say:
"I don't know what's what here. I need some guidance. Please send me a sign, or a dream, or something. I'll keep listening and looking and being open to receiving your message. But I really need your help, and i'm not going to go away until I get an answer from you."
btw. Often when we talk to Creator, we need to tell him-her that we mean business. And we need to follow through too, if we say that sort of a prayer.
I did, the night before I left my ex-husband as I really didn't know what to do. I prayed that prayer... And I had to wait in the dark for nearly an hour, yes... with him sleeping in the bed beside me, until I got the guidance I needed. My prayer went like this:
"I'm not going away until you give me the answer about what I should do."
And then I just lay in the dark... focussed... listening... waiting...
Then an amazing series of images came into my mind that all were parts of one big story. I just lay there and "watched the movie" as it were (it was all symbolic), and I took everything in. I asked no questions while the 'movie' was running. I just looked, and listened. I knew it was important, so I wanted to remember every little detail I was being shown.
(And of course, it's very important to say "Thank you" after you've been given your guidance as well.)
As it turned out, all hell broke loose the next day. And as he (my ex-) was banging my head on the living room wall and trying to choke me, I just kept that 'movie' in my mind, and did exactly what i'd been told to do in that movie...
Because... I was now in one of the scenes of the movie [I was staring straight into the bull's eyes, just like I had in the movie], and I knew what the outcome would be. I just had to keep my mouth shut and keep the essence of the message in the front of my mind... even while he was bashing me. I am convinced that my prayer the night before, saved me that day - and in the months to come...
The scenes showed me what to do and where to go over the next few months. I am sure that if I had not followed all the 'markers' those scenes had showed me, I really could have just been another statistic. I followed my guidance to the letter, and three times I escaped death by his hand...
So it is very important when we are in times of darkest distress, to reach out, and be determined to get your answer... Don't go away, ie: don't take your attention off getting your guidance, until you do receive it. The guidance you are given may very well save your life.
... And just so you're not held in suspense wondering what on earth that 'voice' said to me before I saw those five symbolic scenes, here it is... This is the essence (crux, the central idea) of the message I had been given the night before, right before those scenes started rolling in my mind. like a movie.
Please note: Everybody's guidance will be different, but I know this guidance will help many people so I write it here. Here's what the voice said to me in my mind:
"You have nothing to fear. I am with you always.
I am in the sand you are walking on...
I am in the air you are breathing...
I am even in the sun shining down on you, out of the sky.
I am with you. You have nothing to fear."
I was able to keep these words - "Have no fear. I am with you,"- as a mantra in my mind the next day as he was bashing me, so I was able to keep my cool. In later councelling and when I did the DAIP course (Duluth Abuse Intervention Project) years later, I found out that it's actually really important for women to remain calm during their abuse. This mantra in my mind as I received his rage, kept me calm.
That mantra also gave me the assurance in my bleakest hour ('assurance' is very different to 'hope'), that myself, my two year old daughter and five week old son (who I was breast-feeding), would all be kept safe. I just needed to keep saying this as an affirmation as I ran from him that day. That was in 1985. And it took a decade and a half... but we finally got away. Finally, the energy of him still tracking me, dissipated.
Trust your gut. Trust your feelings.
And when you get really confused,
ASK for help (from 'upstairs')
... And determine within yourself to wait and listen for the answer.
Thank you also, for listening to my story.